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London Mayor Confused By Protesters Not Chanting ‘Death To Jews’
LONDON — London Mayor Sadiq Khan was deeply confused by protests over the weekend where no one was shouting "Death To Jews." Khan was reportedly unsettled by the lack of calls for ethnic cleansing, and dispatched over 4,000 police officers to investigate.
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Newsom Says California Population Is Actually Growing If You Don’t Count All The People Who Are Leaving
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom proudly announced over the weekend that the population of California was on the rise, as long as you don't count all the people who left.
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France Questions How Rescue Mission Considered A Success When No One Surrendered To The Nazis
PARIS — On Monday, French officials questioned how the United States could classify the airman rescue mission a success when no one surrendered to the Nazis.
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TSA Reduces Delays By Eliminating Colonoscopy Portion Of Search
U.S. — The Transportation Security Administration announced this morning that it would be ending the practice of performing colonoscopies on travelers at airports around the country in an effort to speed up security lines amidst the ongoing partial government shutdown.
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Democrats Condemn Hegseth For Using Money To Feed Soldiers When It Could Have Gone To Somali Daycare
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats criticized Secretary of War Pete Hegseth for giving frontline U.S. soldiers a nice meal when that money could have gone to fund Somali daycare centers in Minnesota.
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Tucker Uncovers Shocking Evidence That Israel Controlled By Jews
TEL AVIV — Shortly after landing at Ben Gurion Airport to conduct an interview with U.S. Ambassador Mike Huckabee, commentator Tucker Carlson reportedly uncovered shocking evidence that Israel is controlled by the Jews.
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Media Baffled As To Anything Mass Shooters Might Possibly Have In Common
U.S. — With the horrific news breaking of yet another mass shooting at a school, the media has re-mained completely stumped as to anything recent mass shooters could have in common. Journalists desperately pored over the profiles of mass shooters over the last four years, hoping to find any sort of similarity or connection.
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The Bee Reports: ICE’s 7 Most Horrifying Atrocities
With tensions continuing to mount over ICE operations in Minneapolis, the journalists at The Babylon Bee are on the ground to document the despicable actions carried out by ICE agents.
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Democrats Fear Iranian Love Of Freedom Could Spread To America
U.S. — With the fall of the Ayatollah regime appearing to be imminent, prominent Democrats expressed fear that the dangerous Iranian desire for freedom could potentially spread to the United States.
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Tucker Carlson Interrupts Speech For Evening Prayer To Mecca
PHOENIX, AZ — Attendees at Turning Point's AmFest 2025 event experienced an awkward moment last night, as Tucker Carlson interrupted his own speech for an evening prayer to Mecca.
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Tim Walz Offers Journalists Free Tampons To Stop Talking About Fraud Scandal
ST. PAUL, MN — Desperate to clear his good name, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz offered to give several journalists free tampons if they would stop talking about his fraud scandal.
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Scientific Algorithm Determines Most Oppressed Person In History Is Michelle Obama
PALO ALTO, CA — A recent survey conducted by an advanced digital algorithm conclusively determined that the most oppressed person in the history of the world is, without a doubt, Michelle Obama.