French Men and Romance: Part 2

One of the many lessons that I’ve learned throughout my life is that love is not the only aspect of the human psyche that can render one blind to the downsides of reality. Culture, education, money, mental illness, arrogance, and narcissism are among the most blinding side-effects of humanity. Having hoards of foreign-born friends in the US, and being a foreigner myself in France, I’ve discovered that stereotypes can be just as blinding, if not more so than love.

The French are not oblivious to the many stereotypes surrounding their beloved culture and the behavioral traits that accompany it. They simply have a tactic which includes feigning ignorance to the negative stereotypes, while using the positive stereotypes to their advantage by exploiting foreigners’ naiveté.

French men are artists in their own rights when it comes to abusing foreign women’s belief that French men are helplessly romantic. It’s no secret that many a foreign woman comes to France hoping to live out her own personal romance novel, starring herself and some irresistible French beau. Well, French men have caught on to this widespread fantasy and use it to their advantage at every opportunity – you’ve been warned!

Distracting his date from his miserliness isn’t his only goal of the evening – language skills, or lack thereof are important too. Knowing that women view the French language, and French men by association, as sexy, exotic, and even as an aphrodisiac, they will insist on whispering most of the night away in French. This is not to arouse his date, this is to avoid displaying his feeble language skills. This tactic works most of the time because women are too caught up in the foreign experience to care whether or not a coherent discourse exists.

Two might be better than one but one is still easier than three

French men are not looking for long-term relationships when pursuing foreign tourists as dates. They want as much output for as little input – no pun intended. In order to speed the process along, a French man will use his date’s ignorance of French culture to his advantage by insisting that that in France only one date is sufficient to move on to a more intimate level. His premise for this argument will be that the French are too passionate a people to wait, when they already feel so connected, but in reality he simply wants to move on before he is required to invest any more of himself. He will convey the message in as much French as possible as a further technique of distraction. In the end, many women yield to these persuasions because they want to «immerse» themselves in real French culture, and because they do not want to come off as offensive, close-minded, uncultured, or too conservative to their expecting Don Juans.

No newbies allowed!

In cases when a French man is forced by opposing schedules to court his new conquest longer than the intended few days or weeks, the question of meeting his friends naturally arises. Foreigners are often looking for as many ways as possible to immerge themselves, the best way of course is to make friends and experience the foreign lifestyle through their native eyes. The easiest relationship for a foreign woman to establish in Paris is a romantic one. Next, she will intend to meet his friends, thus broadening her circle of contacts. Unfortunately, there is something about French culture that they don’t understand; circles of friends are practically sacred and will resist any attempted infiltration. A French man will convince his foreign date that he prefers to have her all to himself because there is already too little time for them. Again, she will go along with this thinking that she really is someone special to him if he is willing to sacrifice time with his friends to be with her. Sorry, ladies – that’s not why. The truth is that he doesn’t see her as a worthy enough investment with which to disturb his friends, not to mention they do not want to make the effort that would be required of them to get to know a foreigner. Teaching others about their culture, making foreign language efforts, and catering the conversations to include someone who is bound for a plane soon anyways isn’t worth their time.

The shorter amount of time a female tourist is in Paris, the more interested French men will be in dating her. Certain types of French men are inherently allergic to commitment, even if it’s just a few weeks. They know this is wrong, somewhere deep beneath the layers of testosterone, so they create circumstances to justify their behavior. One popular way is by dating foreigners who are scheduled to leave within days, preferably with no future plans of returning to the city. That way when she has to leave, he will look like the victim caught in a procession of badly-timed events. The best part is that she won’t expect anything from him since she is the one breaking it off by leaving the country.

The amount of tactics that French men have to save a few Euros on a date is endless. Many women expect to be taken to a nice restaurant on the first date, especially in Paris. That’s not to say that she expects an expensive meal, it simply means that fast food and similar establishments are ruled out. Still, French men generally do not want to pay the price for any typical sit-down restaurant. In order to avoid paying these prices while still looking like a stand-up fella, he will purposely dress casually. We’re talking scuffed Converse, a tolerably wrinkled t-shirt, and jeans. In this attire he will win her over by saying something along the lines of, «I want to take you somewhere worthy of your elegance and beauty, (gag) but I didn’t have time to change into one of my Armani suits.» Since many restaurants will not admit casually-dressed diners, he will avoid spending money and at the same time will be winning over his date by making her believe that such establishments are a future possibility.

Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette is currently a resident of Paris, France, where she lives with her husband. Together the two of them operate their small translation company, giving Jacqueline the opportunity to observe the French and their culture up close. She is an avid reader, writer, and student of foreign languages.

By Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette