Texas Votes To Airlift Austin To California
AUSTIN, TX — In a landslide victory during a special statewide referendum this week, Texans overwhelmingly voted to have a giant airship pick up Austin via tow cables and drop the city off in California.
As the city is mostly inhabited by Californians who left their state due to the cost of living, high taxes, and crime – and then proceeded to vote for the same policies in Texas – the move is just “setting things right” by sending immigrants from the Golden State “back where they belong,” according to the bill’s sponsors.
The act took effect immediately, and a massive, lumbering dirigible slowly crawled over the city, its ominous shadow eclipsing the coffee shops, microbreweries, and vegan hemp handbag stores below. Liberals screamed and attempted to flee, but it was too late. Harpoon cannons blasted massive steel cables into the Pennybacker Bridge, the Independent skyscraper, and various other anchor points throughout the city. The airship then rose into the sky, lifting the city along with millions of Austin progressives thousands of feet into the air.
“Oh no!” cried recent Texas transplants Timpani and Steve Strudelfudd as the ground shook and they nearly fell off their electric scooters in downtown Austin. “This is, like, totally, like, one of those earthquake things from back home! Hold onto your lattes!”
The city was safely transported back to California and dropped off in a nice rural area north of Santa Clarita. Texas is once again safely red, and many Austin residents reportedly don’t even realize they’ve been transported to California.
As for any progressive transplants still living in Texas, Governor Abbott has vowed to continue secret midnight flights of these liberals back to their home countries of California, Washington, and Oregon.
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