Iranian Government Claims People Dancing In Streets Is Part Of The Mourning Process

TEHRAN, IRAN — According to official sources in the Iranian government, the masses of Iranian citizens singing, dancing, and setting off firecrackers in the streets during the five-day public grieving period following the death of former President Ebrahim Raisi are “going through part of the mourning process.”

“As you can see, the people of Iran are mourning just as hard as they can,” spokesperson Fariborz Tehrani shouted over the deafening tones of fireworks and cymbals. “This is just their way of showing how much they loved our Exalted Leader while he was alive. The numerous helicopter-shaped balloons and confetti are merely a part of the traditional Iranian mourning process and definitely not a sign of joy or exuberance at the death of the so-called Butcher of Tehran.”

“It is extremely touching to witness this outpouring of sorrowful devotion from the people,” austere religious scholar and expert on Iranian bereavement customs Javir Fakhri said as crowds chanted “Woman, Life, Freedom” outside. “Indeed, you can hear the loyal people of Tehran joyously celebrating the very things that their Beloved President upheld during his life.”

At publishing time, Iranian officials had released a statement that the Iranians throwing parties were merely “supporting the succession of acting president Mohammad Mokhber”.

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