Quarantine For 30 Years
AUSTIN, TX—In his most recent round of new COVID guidelines for Texas, Governor Greg Abbott has announced any new arrivals from California must quarantine for 30 years before they will be allowed to assimilate into the general population.
“Hey, Y’all– California has a ton of COVID problems, but they have a ton of other nasty issues as well,” said Governor Abbott in a press conference. “Lord knows what kind of filthy debauchery those communists engage in on a daily basis. They could bring back any number of icky diseases! Worse, they might bring their socialist voting habits! We can’t allow that.”
Anyone from California who wishes to live in Texas will be required to wear a mask in seclusion for three whole decades while eating smoked brisket and studying Texas history. No voting, social gathering, talking, or any freaky California stuff they’re used to will be allowed until officials are ensured that the last remaining traces of California have been removed from their psyche.
People will be able to apply for early release from quarantine if they prove to be true Texas citizens by passing an In-N-Out versus Whataburger taste test.
Babylon Bee
Source: https://babylonbee.com
The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.
The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.
If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.
