Antifa Teacher

PORTLAND, OR—Parents are raising concerns after a teacher opened her Monday morning online class in full Antifa riot gear after forgetting to take it off the night before. According to witnesses, Willow Maven, a local first-grade teacher and prolific scarf knitter, began teaching her online class while still wearing a black ski mask and a leather jacket emblazoned with an Antifa logo.

“Okay class,” she began. “Today we are reviewing the alphabet! Now repeat after me!”

“A is for Anti-fascist!”

“B is for Burning down symbols of oppression!”

“C is for Communism! The only compassionate system of government where everyone is equal!”

Ms. Maven was about to recite the letter “D is for Drumpf, the bad orange man” when she realized what she was wearing and quickly cut the feed.

“We understand this was distressing to some students and parents,” said Superintendent Braylee Gungorstool. “It’s obviously very concerning to discover there are some fascist students and parents in our midst. If you are offended by courageous anti-fascist fighters, I really feel sorry for you. Please rest assured the school will conduct a thorough investigation into every suspected fascist at our school. We have also asked Ms. Maven to abide by the teacher dress code from now on.”

Local concerned parents then apologized for being fascists and promised to “be better” in the future.

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