France Questions How Rescue Mission Considered A Success When No One Surrendered To The Nazis
PARIS — On Monday, French officials questioned how the United States could classify the airman rescue mission a success when no one surrendered to the Nazis.
The dramatic rescue mission featured dozens of warplanes keeping Iranian forces at bay as SEAL Team 6 extracted the wounded airman from a mountain crevice after he was located by the CIA. Yet, through the entire course of the mission, not a single soldier surrendered to the Nazis.
“The silly Americans, trying to play it off as some great success,” chuckled French President Emmanuel Macron. “It takes real audacity to claim triumph when not one person has surrendered to Hitler. ‘Oh, look at us Americans, we went and rescued a guy stranded behind enemy lines, but we forgot to surrender to Hitler.’ Idiots!”
According to Pentagon sources, a thorough review of the mission confirmed that no one, in fact, surrendered to the Nazis during the rescue. “I’m afraid the French are correct,” said Secretary of War Pete Hegseth. “At no point during the location or extraction of the downed airman did any of our soldiers lay down their arms and give themselves up to the Nazi regime. By French standards, it was admittedly a total catastrophe.”
At publishing time, the French had offered to give American soldiers lessons on how to surrender to the Nazis.
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