4 Things a Lady Should Remember at the Gym

I’m not a gym-going pro. I’ve only been doing it for the better part of a year and I’m still learning what all the weight room machines are called. But as a lifelong observer of human behavior, I’ve learned countless things about the often silly things men and women tend to do. And since I’ve written in the past about the type of behavior a gentleman should remember at the club, and because I’m nothing if not fair, I think it’s time to remind the ladies what kind of behavior they should avoid at the gym.

1. Push Ups Are For Exercising, Not For Busts

I’m sure there are plenty of places a push-up bra is fine to wear – a bar, a club, a cleavage standoff (or wet t-shirt contest, as I believe they’re called). But the gym isn’t that place. The gym is for working out, for getting in shape, for sweating more than you would in your day-to-day life, and for generally improving yourself (or, optional choice #5: the gym is also the place for wandering around naked in the locker rooms, if that’s your sort of thing). So while your two best accessories might be truly wonderful, perhaps it’s best to save them for more special occasions.

2. Makeup Doesn’t Make You Stronger

Ok, so your two biggest guns are put away because you agree that there’s nothing a push-up bra does that actually helps you exercise. Now, can we talk about the lipstick? I too always want to look my best, so I understand the impulse, but consider this: if you’re exercising right, you’re getting all kinds of sweaty – beads of it are forming on your forehead and sliding down your face as you push for that last half mile or last set of 10 reps. Imagine all the pretty makeup you applied getting smudged and smeared by the sweat of hard work (again, if you’re doing it right). Imagine how silly that would look, not to mention totally unhealthy for your skin. I’m not saying you can’t give nature a little help before going to exercise, but putting on club-level makeup is like wearing an evening gown to a rest-stop diner: ridiculous.

3. Chatting Doesn’t Count As Cardio

I understand that rest breaks are important and that running into friends at the gym is a common occurrence, so chatting while working out is perfectly acceptable. Hell, having a friend with you there might be just what you need to kick your butt into workout mode. But if all you’re working out are your vocal chords, then please be polite enough to do that away from the weights and machines that so many of us are waiting (impatiently) for. Because if I see one more group of gal pals chatting on adjacent machines without moving a muscle for the entire duration of my workout, I might just give up on humanity.

4. If You’re Texting, You’re Not Exercising

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen girls getting on treadmills, leaning forward on the display with their cell phone in hand, and just lazily moving their legs while texting or playing mobile games. So to those girls, I say, listen: in the spirit of reason, logic, and putting your time to good use, I’m going to give you some advice. Spend 15 minutes running as fast as you can on the treadmill, then spend the rest of that hour and a half-long exercise playing all the mobile games you want. I guarantee you’ll burn more calories that way, and you won’t even have to worry about tripping on the machine.

Tatiana Sundeyeva has gotten into the terrible habit of thinking too much about everything. She enjoys fantasizing about traveling, compulsively buying literature, laughing at her own puns, and consuming anything (and everything) that can be found in a bakery. She is a graduate of UC Berkeley where she got a degree in English with a minor in Italian. She can be found celebrating awesome female friendships on LadyBromance.com.

by Tatiana Sundeyeva