Try to Be Less White…

ATLANTA, GA—Coca-Cola held training last week telling its polar bear mascots to be less white, sources within the company confirmed Thursday.

A leaked slideshow trains the polar bears to stop being so white and to be more like black and brown bears.

“You must all be less white,” said the diversity trainer, polar bear Roarbin DiArctico. “You must examine yourselves to find the whiteness within and eliminate all traces of it. Just by being born a polar bear, you automatically become an oppressor of black bears, brown bears, grizzly bears, and all other BOC around the world.”

One polar bear protested, saying he’s actually black underneath and it’s just the outer fur that’s white. He was told that facts are tools of polar bear supremacy, and by protesting the idea that he might be a bear racist, he was in fact perpetuating bear racism. He’s been assigned an extra thousand hours of diversity training before he’ll be allowed back in Coca-Cola commercials.

At publishing time, one of the polar bears had tried to comply with the mandate by painting himself black, offending black bears everywhere and causing him to be fired.

The Babylon Bee
Source

The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.

The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.

If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.