Judge Finds Hunter Biden Guilty Of Being ‘A Lovable Little Rascal With A Heart Of Gold’

“I find the defendant, Hunter Biden, guilty — of being an adorable mischief-maker,” said Judge Haley Reinwald. “Now come over here and let me tousle your hair, you charming little scamp!”

The verdict ended a lengthy investigation by the Department of Justice, which discovered that Hunter Biden had dealt cocaine, lied about his drug use to obtain a firearm, and hid millions of dollars from the IRS to evade taxes. “Such a sweet rapscallion, that Hunter Biden,” said U.S. District Attorney David Weiss. “He gets into such hilarious capers sometimes! We are grateful that justice has at last been done. After years of work, the court has finally recognized what a beautiful soul is inside that delightful scoundrel.”

The White House issued a statement shortly after the Department of Justice made the announcement. “We are grateful the judiciary has seen these drug, firearm, and tax charges for what they are – harmless pranks by an endearing little tyke. Hunter is such a good boy, and we are proud of all of his funny antics. We look forward to the House investigation of Hunter turning up more wonderfully naughty anecdotes about our dear son.”

At publishing time, Hunter had reportedly offered to share his cocaine with the judge as thanks for helping him beat the felony charges.

By The Babylon Bee

Source

The Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims. We write satire about Christian stuff, political stuff, and everyday life.

The Babylon Bee was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago. We have been the premier news source through every major world event, from the Tower of Babel and the Exodus to the Reformation and the War of 1812. We focus on just the facts, leaving spin and bias to other news sites like CNN and Fox News.

If you would like to complain about something on our site, take it up with God.