Cities Put Daniel Penny Scarecrows On Subways To Deter Crime
U.S. — Cities across the United States are placing Daniel Penny scarecrows around municipal transportation to scare off would-be criminals.
With judges continuing to release violent criminals back on the streets, the so-called “Scare-Pennys” are popping up in major cities in an effort to deter attacks on innocent subway riders.
“The jig is up, boys! Let’s get out of here!” shouted a would-be criminal after seeing a Daniel Penny scarecrow on the train. “Did you see how curly his hair was? That was a close call.”
According to law enforcement officials, early results from the scarecrows have been extremely promising. “These things are amazing,” said Tulsa Metro Police Chief Ray Chandler. “They look just like him. Violent crime is down 98% on the subway, and men are giving up their seats to ladies in record numbers. It’s incredible.”
While police have expressed frustration that they can’t simply keep violent criminals in jail, officers have nonetheless been pleased at the success of the Scare-Pennys.
At publishing time, cities had been forced to make the scarecrows slightly less realistic as too many young women had attempted to make out with them.
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