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Hunter Asks If He Can Get His Baggie Of Cocaine Back From The White House Now
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After news broke that he had received a full presidential pardon from his father for any crimes committed in the last decade,
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Fattest, Sickest Country On Earth Concerned New Health Secretary Might Do Something Different
U.S. — Citizens in the most obese, unhealthy country on the face of the planet have expressed concern that new Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. might try to do a few things differently.
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Kamala Harris Confused By Process Where She Needs To Get Votes To Be Selected
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris was heard questioning the voting process early Tuesday, reportedly confused as to why she needs to get any votes to be elected president.
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Harris Complains She Was Not Informed The Interview Would Include Questions
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to her testy interview last night, presidential candi-date Kamala Harris has stepped forward to accuse
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North Carolina Asks Zelensky For $100 Billion In U.S. Funding
RALEIGH, NC — With civilians working hard to rescue their neighbors along the path of devastation left behind by Hurricane Helene and FEMA revealing a lack of available money,
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Shocking: Woman Who Wants Your Money Endorsed By People Who Take Your Money
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development, the woman who wants everyone's money has been endorsed by the people who take everyone's money. "Kamala gets it," said union leader John Marks of the Internal Revenue Service. "She wants your money, and we take your money. It's a match made in heaven."
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Kamala’s 7 Debate Demands Revealed
The moment everyone has been waiting for has almost arrived, with Donald Trump and Kamala Harris set to debate each other tomorrow night. While it's commonplace for political candidates to make specific demands before participating in a debate, Kamala's list of demands has not been revealed — until now.
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After Two Weeks With Kamala, Tim Walz Announces He Has Signed Back Up With National Guard And Requested Deployment To Iraq
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Former vice-presidential candidate Tim Walz has just made a groundbreaking announcement, stating in a press conference that he has just re-enlisted in the National Guard and requested deployment to Iraq after spending two harrowing weeks with Kamala Harris.
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Trump Indicted For Inciting Assassination Attempt
U.S. — Former President has been indicted by a federal judge in Pennsylvania for inciting an assassination attempt that nearly killed him.
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Dems Stick With Biden As It Would Be A Real Pain To Reprint These Ballots They Already Filled Out
U.S. — Despite a significant majority of the nation now believing President Biden mentally unfit for office, the Democratic Party has decided to stay with Biden as its nominee as it would be a huge pain to reprint the tens of thousands of ballots they already filled out.
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Obama Panics As His Biden Remote Control Loses Connection
LOS ANGELES, CA — The most powerful man in America was forced to deal with an unexpected emergency last night, with former President Barack Obama suffering a moment of panic due to his Biden remote control suddenly losing connection.
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Judge Instructs Jurors They Need Not Believe Trump Is Guilty To Convict Him
NEW YORK, NY — As the criminal trial involving former President Donald Trump winds to a close, the presiding judge instructed jurors that they don't have to believe Trump is guilty to convict him.