Travel Can’t Fix You: A Letter to my Favorite Little Misogynist

I call you “Miu Miu,” in reference to the Italian clothing brand you disdainfully suggested while pointing at my purse, implying that I had spent a lot of money on it (I hadn’t), money that you thought was better spent traveling (it was, that’s what I spend most of my money on). The fact that you used a somewhat obscure fashion brand, at least for one as contemptuous towards fashion as yourself, suggested that you once had your heart or your ego broken by a woman who wore Miu Miu. But that’s hardly my problem.

Our conversation started when your friend interrupted my coffee date with my friend and the four of us made small talk. When your saner counterpart left shortly thereafter, you went off the rails with narrow-minded and simplistic exaggerations, suggesting that people who don’t travel are all morons and that you (oh, wise being that you are), wouldn’t have anything to talk about with non-travelers. My friend and I wholeheartedly disagreed. We don’t see the world in such categorical terms and know from experience that there are people who’ve never left home who are more intelligent than most people. Some of the most brilliant writers in the world have been recluses who rarely even left their homes, let alone traveled. And then there are people who’ve been everywhere but who still see everything in one dimension (I’m thinking you’re the latter).

Well, I guess our disagreement was what did it. Suddenly, I felt like a target had been painted on my forehead. You decided that attacking non-travelers was not enough, and suggested that all “you Americans” don’t travel, even though we could simply drive down to Mexico at will. Logistical difficulties of driving to Mexico aside, you chose the two worst Americans to assault with your ignorance. My friend is a Chinese woman born in Panama. She cleverly arranges paid time off with national holidays to allow for getaways to places like Brazil and Thailand. I’m a Russian Jew born in Moldova who’s been traveling on her own since seventeen. Between the two of us, we’ve seen every continent but Antarctica. And yes, I’ve been to Mexico.

But that’s not enough for you. You stand behind your belief that travelers are the only truly worthy human beings and although my friend and I travel, I can’t help but feel that your hostility is aimed entirely at us. “What about films and literature?” I suggest as a discussion topic for him to use with the lowly stationary creatures. “Oh, you mean that Hollywood crap?” Your worldview is astounding. “No, like Fellini.” You change the subject. Am I to assume that you aren’t familiar with Fellini? Instead, you latch on to your Hollywood suggestion and insist that I probably have a gossip magazine in my purse right now. You know, because I’m such a frivolous woman for having a nice-looking bag. The fact that I pull out a novel in Italian seems to go over your head. You push on, now just repeating the same garbage about travel as before, this time louder and more frantic, offending that nice gentleman with the newspaper over there who had been listening to our conversation and who admitted to never having left San Francisco. And yet, here he is, keeping up with current events right before your very eyes. He’s literate and everything!

Deep down, you sense defeat, though you would never admit that you lost a debate to a woman. Instead, you open your laptop and like a true coward, you sarcastically mutter, “Well, what else is there to say?” Your tone suggests that you’re trying to save face, that you’re too good to continue the conversation but you’re not fooling anyone. You’ve been bested by a woman who disproved your every point and it stings. Better to just hide behind your computer and look busy.

Well, Miu Miu, you’ve certainly given me something to consider: that travel can’t fix stupid. If you’re angry and close-minded, the only thing that traveling will accomplish is exposing more people to your imbecility. But Miu Miu, if you really want to reap all the benefits of travel, if you want to expand your worldview, get to know yourself better, make new friends, and have unforgettable experiences,  all you really need to pack is an open mind.

 Tatiana Sundeyeva has gotten into the terrible habit of thinking about everything. She enjoys travel, literature, puns, and anything that can be found in a bakery. And not necessarily in that order. She is a graduate of UC Berkeley where she got a degree in English with a minor in Italian.