The Realities of Female Rivalry

Females begin gathering in packs like animals to sniff out their competition as early as kindergarten. They huddle together intuitively participating in idle taunting on the playground while seeking out their prey. Girls who stand out in any way are fair game. Desistance of this behavior however, does not accompany these girls into womanhood. Idle taunting near the jungle gym ripens into idle gossip around the coffee machine.

Adults favor the belief that bullying dissipates after a certain age, but many females never grow out of the need to harass and belittle each other. Every woman is or has been a victim of female bullying to an extent. Some merely experience it at work or school, whereas others never seem to catch a break. Women are just as likely to encounter this contemptuous behavior from close friends as from strangers.

Despite this need to depreciate each other, one veiled criticism at a time, women still value each other’s opinions above those of men. They are wary of their friend’s comments behind their backs, but would think of consulting none other than those same women for crucial advice regarding fashion, hair, make-up, relationships, cooking, and even how to raise their children.

Some women naturally take on a more involved role of either the bully or the victim, but every woman has experienced both sides of the problem at some point. Those who play the victim as adults did partake in slight bullying as children; luckily these are the more evolved females who grow out of the habit. Then there are the women who persist throughout their entire lives in devaluing others of their sex as a means of self-validation.

Women are not surprised by statistics indicating that they are more dependent on one another’s opinions than those of men. In a poll of 2,000 women conducted by Simple Skincare, 75 percent reported that they pay attention to their appearance to obtain compliments from other women. In the age bracket of eighteen to thirty, 60 percent of women have their girlfriends in mind when choosing an outfit or hairstyle. More than 75 percent admit that they consider a compliment more genuine coming from another female, believing men’s compliments insincere and done more out of habit. More than half of the women admitted that they never dressed up in order to «snare a man.» Twenty-five percent also admitted that they are aware of competition between themselves and other females. Worse, thirty percent admitted to talking behind their friends’ backs about their appearances, and 10 percent claimed that they would never tell another female, even a friend, that she looks good. This information may leave men shaking their heads in disbelief, but every woman knows firsthand just how true it all is.

The inability to compliment a friend, the irrational exclusion of other women, and the hurtful comments are behavioral traits of hostility that women display when «sizing each other up.» Psychologists sum this enigma up as «indirect aggression.» Professor of Psychology Tracy Vaillancourt of McMaster University conducted a series of studies to further explore this female behavior known colloquially to the masses as ‘‘bitchiness’’. Throughout the studies, Vaillancourt observed how women responded to other women based on physical appearance.

Her studies yielded that 85 percent of women dislike ‘‘sexy peers’’. In one of her tests, for example, she showed women two different photos of the same model: one photo displayed the model’s body as it naturally is – thin. The second photo was exactly the same except that the model was digitally altered to be overweight. The majority of the women felt less threatened by the overweight version of the model, and declared that they would choose her as a friend over the thin model. Based on these results, as well as similar results in other tests, Vaillancourt concluded that there is an implication that thin women encounter this ‘‘indirect aggression’’ more often than overweight women.

Female bullying is often a result of physical comparisons based on weight and overall body type. Vaillancourt’s studies determined that overweight women are generally more accepted by their female peers of varying body types than thin women. Britton Delizia, an athletic model and mother of one, couldn’t agree more. The lack of acceptance from her female peers because of her healthy, athletic body has led her to launch a Kickstarter campaign to raise $20,000 to produce a book displaying thin, healthy, fit women. Her goal is to ‘‘collect images of women standing up against a society that protects fat culture while bastardizing thin and athletic women’’. Her reaction is a severe result of female alienation based on the fallacy that her thin body is conducive to what she can provide a friendship.

Studies may indicate that overweight women are more accepted by their female peers, but that does not protect them from female bullying altogether. Women will first exclude women who pose a threat for being ‘‘too sexy’’, however these same female bullies will bare their claws at any unsuspecting victim regardless of her size. Haley Morris-Cafiero, a Memphis, Tennessee photographer and college professor has taken on a similar project as Delizia’s, only her objective is to prove how she is harassed for being overweight rather than thin. She began a series of photographs in 2010 entitled, ‘‘Wait Watchers’’ in which she is shown in various settings being mocked because of her size, by both genders. Once the photos went viral, however, the majority of inappropriate comments were made by women.

Delizia and Morris-Cafiero are acting out of instinctive self-defense based on the ‘‘indirect aggression’’ they encounter from other women. Knowing that they are not the only victims of bullying based on the premise of a body type, they hope to make the statement that this hurtful cycle will continue until all women decide to stop excluding one another. Delizia’s being thin or Morris-Cafiero’s being overweight is not an acceptable reason for female peers to be hostile towards them. Psychologists explain this unjust behavior as a result of competitive instincts, the hostility being a tactic used to either do away with any female competition, or announce dominance over another female.

According to Vaillancourt, women compete this way over the attention of men, just as men compete for the attention of women. However, she adds that in today’s modern society most of this behavior is simply destructive for anyone involved. Vaillancourt points out that, ‘‘being catty to someone at work isn’t accomplishing anything; it’s just earning you an enemy. One day that enemy might bad-talk you, too’’. Society expects a certain level of maturity from its workforce, however, according to a study by Workplace Bullying Institute, 53.7 percent of American females reported female workplace bullying in the form of ‘‘sabotage’’ in 2010. Another 50.2 percent reported the bullying in the form of ‘‘abuse of power’’ and 47.1 percent indicated bullying from female coworkers in the form of verbal abuse.

In Psychology Today, psychologist Seth Meyers indicated in his article, ‘‘Women Who Hate Other Women’’, that women behave this way in a variety of settings due to the threat factor of exclusion. To avoid being the excluded member of a pack, many women will work quickly to exclude any female that possesses more appealing traits than they do.

Meyers also points out that in his experience this instinct to be outwardly hostile stems more from the bully’s own insecurities than any actual offense inflicted upon her. ‘‘In other words, she’s not critical of other women because she thinks less of them; she is covetous of what they have instead’’ Despite constant hostility from other women, many of those on the receiving end try to practice humility in order to avoid the attacks. According to studies, however, there is not a lot these victims can do to prevent the aggression. Female bullies will always find a reason to bully due to their own low levels of self-esteem.

Women are aware of the long-lasting indirect aggression that exists between them due to competition for mates and social acceptance. Despite this behavior women still depend on one another for advice and general support. Psychological studies suggest that these bullying tendencies stem from detected threats, insecurities, and jealousy, with weight and body type being the main culprits. If society is to accept every female without discrimination based on neither her mental faculties nor physical attributes alone, women must first show unconditional acceptance towards each other.

Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette is currently a resident of Paris, France, where she lives with her husband. Together the two of them operate their small translation company, giving Jacqueline the opportunity to observe the French and their culture up close. She is an avid reader, writer, and student of foreign languages.

By Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette