How to Not Alienate the Locals

Lessons From Experience

I was eating empanadas in an Argentine restaurant in Italy with my Belorussian friend when a Mongolian woman came in to order tea, calling it “chai,” and the Spanish-speaking woman behind the counter understood what she wanted, having encountered many Russian-speakers in that corner of Italy. At that instant I thought, “Ah, sweet Globalization!” and took a moment to contemplate the importance of knowing other languages in this global society.

While you won’t see me teaching languages anytime soon, I have had the good fortune to be able to study several of them in many different settings from private tutoring and small specialized schools to taking classes at a large university. This has allowed me to observe some common mistakes to which every language-learner, myself very much included, is liable to fall victim. So, in order to teach you from our mistakes, I present you with a few simple rules to keep you sounding smart and invite you to laugh, er, learn from my experience.

Et tu, False Cognate?
False cognates, like muggings and car accidents caused by texting, are threats that people are aware of but don’t think will ever happen to them. They are the Judases of your desired language. They lull you into a false sense of security because, hey, you recognize that word! It’s so similar to English that it couldn’t possibly mean anything else, right? BAM! You’ve now become their latest victim and you just told your group of Spanish friends that you’re pregnant (embarazada) or told some Italians that American food has a lot of condoms (preservativi). False cognates are a serious danger, people.

Speak-y English-o?
Using the same reasoning as that behind false cognates, we sometimes take English words, tack a few extra letters onto the end, and hope for the best. This is fine when the word you’re looking for coincides with what you’ve just said, or you’re just trying to be funny, but for the most part, it’s useless. I had a friend, let’s call her “Not Tatiana,” that tried to buy batteries in Spanish. She came up to the vendor and asked for the baterias, which apparently would have passed in Mexico, but alas, it wasn’t Mexico and the vendor wasn’t having it. He didn’t understand why she thought he sold car batteries. She pointed to the items behind him and repeated, “Baterias!” He pointed to the razor. No? How about soap? Cigarettes? Coca Cola? And so on until he finally reached the batteries and announced, “Ah, pilas!” Funny, that’s how she was going to ask for some aspirin pills next.

Please, Don’t Hang Noodles On My Ears
Idioms by nature are expressions peculiar to a certain language that don’t make sense if you don’t know them, which is why translating them makes for great laughs. Take “Kyle” from Kansas: he just wanted to contribute to the discussion in his Italian class of a short story in which someone spoils a surprise. So, in Kyle’s misguided attempt to employ the trusty old idiom of “to let the cat out of the bag,” he just ended up sounding like some feline-kidnapping creep with a sack. The few American students got it, but the rest were suspicious of Kyle from then on.

e-NUN-see-ate
This is a rule that often goes overlooked but is just as important as any other. Because every language has words with similar spellings but different meanings and some languages even have seemingly incomprehensible differences between sounds (ahem, FRENCH), it’s important to learn the pronunciation and enunciate. It’s the rule that makes the difference between ordering a cuckold instead of a croissant (cornuto v. cornetto) or between asking whether it’s your turn and instructing the teacher to touch you. Trust me, class hasn’t been the same since.

Don’t Fear the Language
As embarrassing as any of these experiences might be, they still pertain to the happy sort of embarrassment—the one where everyone laughs and moves on.  What’s truly mortifying is when someone’s too scared to say anything at all. There’s nothing more awkward than to see a horrified, perspiring foreigner starting at you helplessly, hoping that you will be able to read his mind while in the agonizing silence you hear the seconds drag on with unimaginable discomfort, because they can’t bring themselves to decide on the proper words. It’s better to just cobble together a rudimentary sentence and get your point across. There’s no shame in being corrected because no one expects you to be an expert and speaking is the only way you’ll really learn. Or, if you really don’t know a word, use some gestures! I’ve heard of a girl who stopped someone to ask for directions to the train station, only she didn’t know the word for it so she acted it out, choo-choo and all. It looks ridiculous but it’ll still be better than the silence and at least you’re not likely to forget that word again. Besides, locals appreciate it when you make the effort to communicate in their language and you’ll find them to be much more open as a result which in turn affects your travel experiences for the better. So grab a dictionary, sign up for a class, or take a trip—just remember to pack your sense of humor.

By Tatiana Sundeyeva

Tatiana Sundeyeva enjoys travel, literature, puns, and anything with an unhealthy sugar content. And not necessarily in that order. She is an insatiable lover of languages and studies them at every opportunity. She is also a graduate of UC Berkeley where she got a degree in English with a minor in Italian.