Irreconcilable Differences

Issue #757

Уважаемые читатели! Если вы помните, у нас в газете шла дискуссия по теме «Есть ли жизнь после развода?» К сожалению, тема остается более чем актуальной. Желая вам всего самого хорошего в семейной жизни, мы понимаем, что судьба делает непредвиденные обороты, и случается, что два хороших человека не могут жить вместе. Что делать? Как с наименьшими потерями достойно выйти из такой ситуации? С кем жить детям? Как делить имущество? Что делать, если… Вариантов «если» могут быть сотни, поскольку – помните, у Толстого- «все счастливые семьи счастливы одинаково, а каждая несчастная семья несчастна по-своему». Мы обратились к адвокату Гэри Дубровскому с просьбой вести в газете своего рода колонку, связанную с легальными проблемами в семье. Гэри прекрасно говорит по-русски, но вырос он здесь, и отвечать на легальные вопросы ему проще по-английски. Первая его статья посвящена самой общей, мы бы сказали исторической теме: из-за каких причин вас могли и могут развести в Калифорнии?
Пишите нам на js@kstati.net , если вы хотите попросить осветить какой-то вопрос. Безусловно, со своими конфиденциальными вопросами вы можете звонить напряму адвокату Гэри Дубровскому по тел. (415) 912-2819

Whenever there is a celebrity divorce, every media outlet always reports with great fanfare and in a tone of grave importance that so-and-so filed for divorce against so-and-so citing, “irreconcilable differences”. Why is that? Why do we care what was cited? And, most importantly, why is it always the same reason?

Judicial Council form FL-100 is entitled, “Petition – Marriage”. This 2-page fill-in-the-blank and check-the-box form is what every soon-to-be divorcee must use to begin the process of dissolving their marriage in California. Section 6 of this form prompts you to choose one of only two reasons for getting a divorce. No other reasons are allowed. They are, “irreconcilable differences” and “incurable insanity”.

“Well,” one might say, “that’s ridiculous! Do you mean to tell me that those are the only reasons the courts will accept if I want to leave my no-good husband? So, if my reason is something else I am forced to remain married?”

The answer, of course is, yes.

So how does this help to answer the original question of why the reason cited is always “irreconcilable differences”? The answer to this question lies in our history books.

Prior to the enactment of The Family Law Act of 1969, you had to prove fault to get a divorce; one spouse had to prove the other one did something wrong that fit the right criteria, such as adultery or cruelty in California. Some states got very specific requiring proof of violent temper in Florida, loathsome disease in Kentucky, leprosy in Hawaii, and impotency in 34 other states. So during these ancient times, a spouse was actually required to prove the other spouse cheated on them, or had an STD, or belonged in a leper colony. And this isn’t even the most interesting part!

What if neither spouse was a cheating dog? Well, then they were forced to engage in what came to be called, “collusive adultery”. That’s where spouses agreed that the wife would come home at a pre-set hour and find her husband in the arms of his “lover” hired for the occasion. This is the kind of legal framework that existed when my friend’s father desperately wanted to divorce his first wife. In order to marry my friend’s mother, he first had to orchestrate a private investigator, hired by his wife’s lawyer, finding him at a seedy hotel with a prostitute.

Now, you may ask, “What if both spouses were cheaters?” In that case, their lives were at the mercy of their judge’s daily mood swings. He could actually refuse to grant the divorce, requiring them to continue living in their “marital hell”, as the chief proponents of the 1969 law would put it.

Under the new law, which became effective January 1, 1970, California became the first state to enact “no fault” divorce. “No fault” means exactly what it sounds like – whether your husband can’t keep his pants buttoned, or whether your wife is incapable of having a child became completely irrelevant; a moot point. The new magic words became “irreconcilable differences” which basically means, “any reason will do”. All it takes is one spouse to come forward and say that there is some problem or issue that he and his spouse don’t agree on and that agreement would be impossible. This even includes the issue of whether to get a divorce. If one spouse doesn’t want a divorce, the other spouse can still get one. The irreconcilable difference in that situation is the divorce itself.

To sum it up, so long as the reason for your divorce has become an “irreconcilable difference”, you’re in luck! Now, as far as why the media always cites this reason: well, because our lovely celebrities have yet to call things by their proper terms and label each other incurably insane.

So, if that’s the case, how come there are so many family lawyers out there? I mean, what’s there to talk about, with only two choices? For every question answered there are usually ten more that remain unresolved. This article is no exception. I’ve attempted to answer, by way of illustration and short history lesson, a question that I keep hearing again and again. But in doing so, I have unearthed several others that, due to forum and format limitations, must go unanswered. At least for now. In the meantime, I invite you, my esteemed readers, to contact me right away if your relationship is suffering from irreconcilable differences and you’d like an answer to the question, “Why are there so many family lawyers out there?”

Gary Vadim Dubrovsky
Dubrovsky Law
425 Market Street, Suite 2200
San Francisco, CA 94105
(415) 912-2819