5 (Not So) Funny French Quirks

When France gives you grapes, make wine. Then drink it so that you can laugh off the unnecessary, yet frequent inconveniences that accompany life in France. Not a drinker? Well, leave those grapes in the sun to dry and keep some with you at all times to shove in your mouth in order to keep from shouting something you might regret. Sometimes cultural differences can be easily attributed to geography, history, language, diet, resources, and values. These are the differences we embrace, because if we look hard enough we can find a logical explanation, and then there are the differences that natives themselves refuse to acknowledge.

The French have a je ne sais quoi quality which allows them to be absolutely illogical and perfectly chic all at the same time. They are reckless, yet cautious, thin but unhealthy, and ignorant yet cultured. Over time I have learned which behaviors, as odd as they may seem to me, are normal, and which are individual defects. For those who can read in French, I recommend Caroline Rochet’s Comment (Ne Pas) Devenir Parisien (ne), or How (Not to) Become Parisian. She comically outlines all of the odd French behaviors, even the ones that could result in injury or even death, then justifies them by claiming, “Mais c’est chic non?” I have narrowed down the behaviors to a “top five favorites” list based on the level of frequency.

1. Blinkers are there for a reason. This is how our cars communicate with one another. Not in France. The French avoid their blinkers at all costs, especially if those drivers live in Paris. According to Rochet, the use of one’s blinker is a clear indicator of low-class habits, a sign that you are more than likely from some farm rather than anywhere near Paris. Although people far outside of Paris ignore the importance of their blinkers as well (possibly more than in Paris). The reason is simply that the French do not like others telling them what to do, and they do not like indicating to others what they intend to do. The fact that any number of accidents could result from a wrongly indicated action is irrelevant, because it is always better to be chic. Those who do use their blinkers, thank you!

2. The destruction of side-view mirrors on parked cars, (in any city or town in France) is a favorite French pastime. I have yet to understand the motive behind this action, but I have witnessed this done to both cheap and very expensive cars. I have seen children, the elderly, the sober, and the drunk all partake in this activity. The scene consists of a group of people choosing a car at random, at any time of the day or night, and then proceeding to destroy the side-view mirror as much as possible while witnesses stand by and watch the production. When all is done, everyone continues on their way as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Now that is elegance at its finest!

3. Sidewalks? What are those? If you are looking for an actual answer to this question, don’t ask anyone in France. The sidewalks are to be used when there is no other option, meaning when a car is barreling down the street. Nationwide, the French prefer the middle of the street over a sidewalk any day. The experience is so sacred, that if you dare to honk at someone after patiently waiting for them to move two feet to the nearest sidewalk, you will be met with menacing glares, all the oh la las you could want, and in some cases actual protest. Some streets are so bad in Paris that it is worth the 30 minute detour to avoid the confrontation that you will undoubtedly meet if you dare to drive a car in the street. Naturally, this is not always the case, but it happens more than you can imagine.

4. If you’re drunk and you know it, sing a song! At least that’s the way the French like to express themselves. Living in different parts of Europe, I’ve grown accustomed to drunken youths littering the streets, as the drinking age in Europe is lower than in the States. But I must say: France still surprised me. This is a purely French habit stemming so far back that no one I know can say when this ritual started. Some of Victor Hugo’s characters are even portrayed walking the dark streets of Paris, singing as loudly and as off-key as possible, even hours after their last drink. You cannot escape the noise, but if you want to evade the physical ruckus, you should return to your hotel or apartment before one in the morning. Most alcohol-providing establishments close sometime after midnight, leaving the armies of intoxicated people to holler through the streets until the metro opens. If your plan is to live and be productive in Paris without overdosing on coffee, then invest in the best ear plugs you can find.

5. Urine is to the streets of Paris as salt is to the sea. The smell and the stained sidewalks (I guess they do use the sidewalks for something) are as much a part of the Paris experience as seeing the Eiffel Tower. Like many others, I would rather skip public restrooms whenever possible, but in a big city this is not always feasible. The logical thing to do, although not the healthiest, is simply to drink less liquid when you know you will be far from a clean bathroom. The French, however, do not stop their intake of fluids throughout the day. When they are too far from a toilet, any building, bush, or sidewalk is good enough. I have actually seen some men who chose to urinate in public, even though easy access to a clean bathroom was available. Public urination is most often done by men, but I have also witnessed women and children doing this, both at night and during the day. Naturally, this quirk is only acted upon by a very small percentage of the French population. However, since Paris is so densely populated, that small percentage becomes amplified, making the act hard to miss. C’est comme ca, c’est la vie!

These behaviors can be shocking at first, since we are taught that the French are an elegant, intellectual, and reserved people. Once you learn the quirks, it is possible to avoid the more aggressive ones, such as the quirk about smashing car mirrors. Stay clear of areas with a lot of bars, pay for underground parking, and return to your hotel around midnight. The rest of the quirks can be seen as ambiguously comical. Word of advice: avoid any stains you see on the ground. The dogs aren’t the only culprits.

Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette is currently a resident of Paris, France, where she lives with her husband. Together the two of them operate their small translation company, giving Jacqueline the opportunity to observe the French and their culture up close. She is an avid reader, writer, and student of foreign languages.

By Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette