2 Reasons Why I Can Never Be French

The longer I live in France, the more I realize that I will never be French in either heart or mind. I’ve looked the other way when my new shoes were caked in some guy’s muddy footprint without so much as a glance back. I patiently hobbled home after a long day, one foot bare, the other in a two-inch heel, because the other shoe fell into the depths of the metro, courtesy of some oblivious person who pushed my right foot into the gap between the metro and platform. No problem, she simply didn’t see me; Apparently I have the gift of invisibility. Yes, I even smiled when the French government took two years to issue me a medical card so that I could finally use the medical insurance for which I was already paying, even though they told me I would have my card no later than three months. I would be lying, though, if I didn’t admit that behind every patient smile I was really seething inside with anger and annoyance at the overall lack of awareness and efficiency in the country.

In the beginning of my life in France, I narrowed down my frustrations to culture shock, misunderstandings, and the stress of transitioning into a new country. I waited for the inner impatience to go away, I waited to be as easy-going as the French, but it never came. Eventually, I had to admit to myself that despite how European I am by nature, I am an American in thought and action. I first felt inadequate at the thought of not being able to fully immerse myself into the French culture, but then I realized I had no reason to feel ashamed. Those core values keeping me American are too logical and productive to give up in lieu of illogical and unpredictable French behavior.

In my efforts to fit into French life, I reached out to other American expatriates. I was expecting them to tell me how to avoid these inefficiencies of French life so that I could finally be productive, but this was not the advice I received. Instead they told me to forget about logic, schedules, productivity, common courtesy, apologies, and planning ahead. I was told that to live by these typical American values would be to invite a constant upstream battle, in which I would be the only one fighting upstream. The French are not making any dramatic changes anytime soon, but neither am I. Sorry France, you have great qualities, but I cannot move at your leisurely pace. Like the many other expatriates in France, I deal with the roadblocks, but I will never fit in with French society. There are many cultural differences, but here are the two biggest contrasts between the mentality of Americans and the French that doom the two cultures to always clash.

Whether Americans want to admit it or not, we love schedules. We plan everything from how long lunch can be, to how long we can talk to friends. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have enough time in a day to fulfill our obligations in addition to our goals. The French, on the other hand, only abide by schedules when related to school and work; Outside of that they do not plan any part of their day. The French who have goals rarely meet those goals because they accept every invitation, overbooking themselves much of the time, and causing further mayhem in the days of others. I have waited too often while a friend, who invited me by the way, showed up an hour late. The tardiness does not stop there; I have gone to doctor’s appointments just to sit around waiting forty extra minutes while the doctor comes back from an already two-hour-long lunch. I have waited outside of stores, banks, and even post offices that think nothing of opening an hour or more late.

The lack of planning isn’t the only odd quirk about the French that will disrupt an organized person’s plans; Illogical thinking does a lot of damage too. If you and a French friend are late in meeting friends, do not be surprised when the French person takes you by the longest route to the rendezvous, just because the scenery is a little nicer. The French will also choose to take vacations when they can’t afford one, even if that means living off of plain pasta and not paying their rent to do it. Obviously laying on a beach for a few days is more important than having a place to live.

Much of their illogical and unorganized behavior comes from having little value in work. Many of the French work because they have to work. They see it as another part of life that cannot be avoided, like attending elementary school. They do not have the pride in the work that they do, not even those with ideal jobs. Unlike the Americans, the French see leisure time as an expected right, whether or not they work for it. Americans see leisure time as a reward after hard work. The French are professional procrastinators, putting social interaction before any project or responsibility. I don’t have a problem with spontaneity, but when we govern our lives by it, the end result is more chaotic than spontaneous. Excessive lounging about in the U.S. is frowned upon, which is why I haven’t quite caught on to that part of French life.

The French grow so accustomed to avoiding responsibility that small laws are often broken. Cashiers never check identification, not when people use their bank cards, and sadly not when twelve-year-olds are buying alcohol. Pedestrians throughout France walk into the street as if cars do not exist, cars commonly run red lights, or drive the wrong way above the speed limit through one-way streets. Blinkers? What are those? Really, could someone please explain the purpose of a blinker to the French, and how to use one? Parking is a nightmare all over France. In Paris, parking is simply hard to find, but in other parts of France, people do not know how to park. They park on sidewalks, even when there are available parking spots. Parallel parking across two vertical parking spots in a parking lot is normal. Another popular parking technique in France is to park in the dead center of two parking spots, which isn’t as bad as when they double park behind you for no other reason than to waste your time.

My decision is already made, so I will live in France, I will speak French, but I will never be French. I enjoy a lot about living in France, but I like schedules, I have an odd impulse to meet deadlines, and I enjoy working and doing my part in the world. I am grateful, however, for the French who make my life complicated for no reason, they make me appreciate the small jesters in life in a new way.

Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette is currently a resident of Paris, France, where she lives with her husband. Together the two of them operate their small translation company, giving Jacqueline the opportunity to observe the French and their culture up close. She is an avid reader, writer, and student of foreign languages.

Jacqueline Perrier-Gillette